(This road is also white, moist, and hairless)
Jesus Tits has shit gone down this month. Apparently my blog is read by more than.....me. Steve McNair was tragically killed on the 4th of July, Oscar Mayer died, Erin Andrews was found all nekkid on the internet, and someone made the wild allegation that Ben Roethlisberger knows how to use his dick. There are many questions to be answered, and while i'm probably not the guy who should be answering them, fuck it I will anyway.
Q: Give us, your readers, your thoughts on the leaked Erin Andrews video that was out on the net.
Jim in Denver
Jim in Denver
A: I'll look at this from 2 sides.....rational human being......and giant horndog.....1st the rational.
Rational mans thoughts: Is it not weird that some websites like deadspin that usually have no problem objectifying EA's hotness when shes wearing clothes were outraged when this video came out? It's like the sideline princess was their innocent hot friend who happened to be female. She was nice, somewhat funny, and very beautiful. There's a little sister complex there, but at the same time you wanna be that guy. When she starts dating a guy you don't know....what else is your reaction going to be but WHAT! WHO THE FUCK!? Besides that, it is fucking creepy to put a camera in someones hotel room.
Giant horndogs second by second thoughts:
0:01- COOOOCCCCHHH!
0:02- MOVE YOU HANDS!
0:03- HOLY SHIT IT IS HER!
0:04- ITS.....SOOOO....BRIGHT!
0:05- THIS IS GETTING DISSAPOINTING!
0:06- HEY COMEBACK!
(goes to youporn)
Q: Will Coley White always be compared to Pat and if he isn't as good as Pat will he flame out like Marcus Vick?
Julian in Martinsburg
A: Yes, in everyway possible Coley will be compared to Pat. The one advantage he has is that, since we have Jarrett Brown nothing is needed of him this year. As for flaming out, I think he'll be more of a Dan McGwire type. Professonal level player, just terrible. To flame out as bad as Marcus, Coley would need to catch his entire body on fire with just a bong.
Q: Do you think Brett Favre will make his second non-Packers comeback with the Vikings?
Jim in Denver
A: I think the answer is ofcourse, he just doesn't want to go through training camp, like every other fucking NFL player does. Although wouldn't it be great if on July 31st he just announced ''You know what it was fun leading ESPN on this wild goose chase that whole time, Eric Mangini sucked the desire to play football out of me like I was a jelly donut or Bill Belicheck's cock. Consider yourselves owned.''
Q: Do you think Travis Henry should be required to pay his millions of dollars in child support even though he's not in the NFL anymore and will TLC ever air a show called ''Travis Henry + 11''?
Matt in Hedgesville
A: I think men should be able to spread their seed as they please, without consequence. Travis Henry wasn't the one that got pregnant. As for ''Travis Henry + 11'' I could definately see that airing between ''True Life: I love auto-erotica'' and ''Dr. Drews 14 year old meth heads'' on ''channel 666- The Hell Network'' someday
Q:How can Ravens fans talk shit on the Steelers after losing not once....not twice but THREE TIMES to the Super Bowl champions of the world?
Jules from Pittsburgh
A: Our main gripe with Steeler fans is not the fact that you beat us 3 times last year. Honestly I would've been shocked had we gone into Pittsburgh with a rookie QB and won. It really has nothing to do with on the field play. If the Ravens are not playing I will watch the Steelers because it's the same style of football. I have 2 problems with Steeler fans. 1st is the blind faith. Ben Roethlisberger is essentially the evolution of Phil Simms. He asked not to lose games, keep drives going, and win. He's very good at that, but he just isn't a top tier QB. My 2nd and much bigger problem is the bandwagon jumping. Listen I get it, in the area we live in theres going to be a ton Steelers fans. But my god, it was like after the Red Sox won in 2004 last year, every dueche bag on campus was wearing his ''7'' jersey and talking about how good a receiver ''Hank Ward'' is. Plus it's the NFL, nothing says the roles won't be reversed this year. GO RAVENS!
I would be bitter to about Ben if I was a Ravens fan. Those three things you mentioned is what all QB's are asked to do basically. When we were losing in the SB there was no doubt in my mind Ben would lead the game winning drive. He had only done it like 7 times in the regular season. Big Ben > Joe Flacco.
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